For this week's blog assignment, we were to observe an adult and child communicating out in public. Though the choices are plentiful for observing adult and child communication, I chose to observe the interaction while out to eat for my 2nd to youngest daughter’s birthday. While regretfully visiting Shoney’s, I was able to observe a mother and father who were eating dinner with their young two children who looked about 5 and 6 years old. The children were constantly picking at each other and calling each other names, and the parent initially attempted to give them non-verbal communication by giving them a warning glare, but when the warning glare did not work, the mother began to slightly raise her voice and threaten for them to leave the restaurant without the children getting to eat their food. After several reminders of the possibility of leaving the restaurant, the father finally said something to the two children that made them stop in their tracks and finish their meal without another word. From this interaction, I learned that though the children seemed to devalue the effectiveness and communication that the mother had with them when asking them to stop playing at the table, and threatening for them to leave the restaurant—it was the father’s ultimate authority and say-so that lead to them obeying the original task and keeping quiet at the table.
In this week readings, a point was made that when teachers are effectively communicating with the children within their classrooms, they do not command the children to do a task. Instead, they use encouraging language and descriptive language that is relevant to the children’s lives (Rainer & Durden, 2010). In this case, the mother’s language and words leaned more towards the understanding side but did not necessarily reflect language that the children could logically reason with in order to make the right decision. The father’s language may have been language that they related to (as far as punishment options were concerned) but did not necessarily reflect encouraging or positive language.
I know that within this scenario that if I were the one dishing out the “encouraging” words towards the same children, because of their age I might present their behavior as a logical thought-process towards, asking them if it makes sense to present yourself in a certain manner, but that is because that is the method I often INITIALLY use, lol to help guide children. In my experience, it often will work, because they will then cause them to respond out loud and thoroughly think about their behavior!
Reference:
Rainer Dangei, J., & Durden, T.R. (2010). The nature of teacher talk during small group activities. YC: Young Children, 65(1), 74-81.
Hi, Iesha!
ReplyDeleteWOW! It amaes me how some families only really listen to the father and the mother is oftentimes exhausted from the mental and emotional abuse of children that "know better". I was raised in a household that all my uncles and aunts words were just as important as my parents. Moreover, my father has never spanked me or my children; however, my mother would lay down the law on my behind with the quickness! I believe effective communication for parents should start at home and at the earliest age possible. That means if they are out of order at home, they will still be out of order in public and vice versa.
Keep moving forward...Quay
Good Evening Quay,
DeleteI agree that it is sometimes (no all the time) frustrating when children uphold the father's say so over the mother's. I experience that currently with all 5 of my daughters, and know that you can sometimes attempt to use loving communication with your children to evoke a response; however, that does not ensure that method will be effective. You and I grew up in similar households, because my father only needed to implement "the look," while my mother was the one who implemented the "Red Hot Fannie Wacker" out of love...and it was effective!
Iesha,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I agree with you that the children more than likely followed the direction of the father because he is considered the disciplinarian in the house. I also agree with you that the mother was one the trying to "reason" with the children but it was not working. I like your idea of using a "think aloud" strategy in reference to their restaurant behavior. This would be a great teachable moment for any parent if they could use this strategy. Have the girls think through their behavior, what they are doing, why they are doing it, how they are feeling and reacting and how others are feeling and reacting helps make them aware of how their feelings and actions are connected and how their actions affect others. It also lets them share how they feel in a non threatening situation. Great post! Jill
Hi Iesha,
ReplyDeleteI believe this is a partner in most households that the father is the one with more authority and discipline of the children. I always wonder if it was because the female always asked for reinforcement of the male when situations are no longer tolerable or is it that children spend the majority of their time with the mother's figuring them out in a sense. This will take us back to gender stereotypes within the home - the mother being the caregiver/nurturer and the father being the breadwinner and disciplinary figure.
Growing up my mother had control through 'the look' and lashes however my father never had to raise his voice, he would say something to me once, and I would follow through. Again in my household, I spent the majority of my time with my mother.